THE VICE GUIDE TO SHIT: "How often have you found yourself at some horrible family event having mind-numbing conversations with 300-pound behemoths about the minutiae of pregnancy and babies? If you listen closely you'll realize all their talk of the runs, abdominal pain, and relaxed deep-breathing techniques is, in essence, all about shit. They are just repackaging the graphically scatological in Mommyspeak. As Freud brilliantly pointed out: Penises, infants, and poop are all solid bodies that stimulate membranous passages. Every conversation anyone has ever had always comes back to shit. Therefore, young urbanite, we provide you with the A to Z of poo. "